Well, it’s been over 3 weeks since I messaged C and I haven’t heard from him at all. I know he received my note because when I logged into ancestry.com, it said he logged in the day after I sent it. In some ways, it feels like a lot of time has gone by, how long does it take to respond to a note? But I realize that is a naive perspective, that this news has to be very shocking to him. I don’t believe he had any idea that an indiscretion over 40 years ago produced a daughter. I understand that coming to terms with this might take some time. He doesn’t know me, he doesn’t know that I don’t want anything from him other than to know him and for him to know about me. So, I wait.
One positive thing to come out of this whole experience is that I have been learning a lot about myself, particularly that I can be patient. It is very well established that I am an impatient person. Having kids forced me to come to terms with it and actively work on it. However, I didn’t really feel good about it until recently. Much of this experience has been “hurry up and wait.” Whether waiting on test results or for other information, I have been patient. I have been patient with myself as I grieve for my past and my strained relationship with my mother. I have been patient as I establish a new reality for myself. And I will be patient as I wait.