What Now?

As we are all struggling during this completely abnormal time, I find myself falling into a familiar melancholy much quicker than I used to experience it. It is often random things that hit me – and I remember. I remember that I am not the person I thought I was. I remember that I was lied to by my parents for over 4 decades. I remember that my biological father has chosen to ignore my existence. I remember that I have 3 half siblings that do not know I exist. I remember that my Cajun-French ancestry is not real. I remember the feeling of knowing deep in my heart that I was different, that I didn’t fit in with my family and no one would tell me why. I remember how secrets hurt. But eventually I come around and I remember how far I’ve come in the 3 1/2 years since I found out the truth. I can now tell my story without breaking down. I can even joke about it with my husband and uncle. I remember that I am happy and strong despite all of the recent challenges. I remember that I have a healthy, beautiful family that I have made on my own. I remember that I have nurtured a wonderful relationship with a sister I didn’t know until this year – a sister that I had an immediate connection with and treasure. I remember that I have 4 “new” nephews whose adorable photos can brighten even the darkest days. I remember that so many questions I had growing up now have answers. I remember that I have extended family (both blood relatives and chosen family) that I can rely on. And I remember that I am really not new, that I am just finding who I have been all along.